Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Superheroes, Muppets, And Zac Efron's Booty: The 2014 Movie Preview You Need To Read To Believe

 2013 was a great year at the movies and, although the year isn't over just yet, we can't help but to look ahead to 2014. Some of next years most anticipated movies are scary, others will try to make you laugh, but most of them are either remakes, reboots, or sequels. Here's a glimpse of the movies that you most definitely should have on your radar.

 Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones - January 3rd, 2014 Paranormal Activity started scaring the crap out of audiences way back in 2009 and has dominated the Halloween box office ever since. The franchise has certainly had its highs, the throw-back fun of Paranormal Activity 3, and its lows, the unoriginal and boring Paranormal Activity 4, but, after missing Halloween 2013, it is returning to theaters at the top of the year with Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones. Paramount Pictures has definitely upped the ante for this movie, which they're saying isn't a straight forward sequel to the other movies in the franchise, going as far to create a terrifying online experience for fans. Bloody Disgusting also seems to think The Marked Ones has potential to breath new life into Paranormal Activity. Thankfully we don't have that long to find out for ourselves. That Awkward Moment - January 31st 2014
It's the movie starring Zac Efron and his naked butt. Do you need to know anymore than that?
For reals though, do you need any more reasons to see this movie other than the fact that you'll get to see Zac Efron bare his booty? Robocop - February 12th, 2014 For those of you who haven't had the chance to see the original Robocop, shame on you. It's bloody. It's graphic. It's very 80s. Netflix it immediately. Don't fret if you haven't seen it though, because it's about to be 2014 and a rebooted version of the original 1987 story is coming your way. Joel Kinnaman, star of The Killing, is stepping in for Peter Weller as the police officer brought back from the brink of death in the form of a part-human, part-robot law enforcer of the future. Also starring Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, and Samuel L. Jackson, Robocop 2014 looks like a fun enough time with some of the best actors our generation has to offer. 300: Rise of an Empire - March 7th, 2014 The first film dealt with a battle of 300 versus 300,000. It also helped bring greek mythology back into the mainstream. And did I mention Gerard Butler was really hot and half naked most of the time? 300: Rise of an Empire takes place before, during, and after that movie and it apparently takes place in a world of perpetual slow motion and anger. Rise of an Empire was originally scheduled to be released this past summer and was quietly bumped from that spot to its current release date in March. Often times a push that great means the movie isn't very good, but World War Z proved that theory wrong after lengthy reshoots and a gigantic haul at the box office. The question is, do people care as much about Romans as they do about Zombies? Veronica Mars - March 14th, 2014 A follow-up to the TV series with the same name, Veronica Mars isn't so much a movie as much as it is a test. It will prove whether or not the movie industry can depend upon fans and Kickstarter campaigns to fund their movies. Gonna be honest with you, never have I ever ever watched an episode of Veronica Mars. I only added it to this list because fans of this movie funded it themselves and Kristen Bell is freaking awesome. What I do know is that Veronica should end up with Logan...I mean Piz. No, I most definitely mean Logan. Did I get it right Marshmallows?!? Divergent - March 21st, 2014 Going into San Diego Comic-Con 2013, Divergent was one of the movies on everyone's mind. Forget about Twilight or The Hunger Games, the next big YA adaptation has arrived. Although they have obviously followed the formula, find an acclaimed actor or actress, I'm looking at you Kate Winslet, set the movie in a dystopian future, and still find time for a complicated love story, I'm worried for Divergent. You can thank Ender's Game and Beautiful Creatures for that. These movie studios need to realize that simply adapting a popular young adult novel does not a blockbuster make. I'm sure Shailene Woodley will see a fair share of hardcore fans screaming their head off at the premiere, but whether or not Beatrice is the new Katniss - that remains to be seen. Muppets Most Wanted - March 21st, 2014 They made their triumphant return to the big screen in The Muppets a little more than two years ago and now they're back for a second go around in Muppets Most Wanted. Although Jason Segel and Amy Adams were instrumental in bringing the gang back together, neither are returning this time. Even so, I'm sure that the comedy stylings of Ty Burrell, Tina Fey, and Ricky Gervais will more than make up the difference. I just hope that Miss Piggy gets more airtime than she did starring opposite Lady Gaga. Captain America: The Winter Soldier - April 4th, 2014 Captain America: The Winter Soldier appears to be what ABC had hoped Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. would be, a look inside the sometimes wonderful, sometimes corrupt world of secret agencies. In the movie though, there appear to be a whole lot more crashing helicarriers and action. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 - May 2nd, 2014 Everyone's favorite Spider-Man is back and is going up against the one and only, Jamie Foxx. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 has a lot on its shoulders.The first time around with Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone made a movie that was very similar to one that came out just ten years before it. That isn't the case here. Marc Webb appears to have been let lose and is really doing what he wants to do with the franchise. And his vision appears to include at least three villains. The questions are: Do audiences really want to see three bad guys in the same movie? Probably. Will that take away from the story telling? Probably. Will Sony keep making movies about The Amazing Spider-Man? Absolutely. Godzilla - May 16th, 2014 I don't know about you, but I really got into Pacific Rim this summer. It was exactly what a summer movie about giant monsters fighting robots should be; It was fun. Pacific Rim didn't do well though, not domestically anyway. So it's the original Kaiju's turn. Godzilla is back and he wants his throne y'all. Starring Bryan Cranston, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, and Elizabeth Olsen, this movie looks like one hell of an improvement over the 1998 version starring Matthew Broderick. What more could you want? X-Men: Days of Future Past - May 23rd, 2014 Even though it was Bryan Singer just revealed that Anna Paquin has been lost to the editing room floor, I'm still excited to see what X-Men: Days of Future Past can bring to the table. It is the first of the mega-franchise wannabes that have become the new thing since The Avengers blew everyone away in 2012. It also has the most potential out of the non-Marvel superhero stock. That is mainly to do with Singer returning to direct and a cast that is ridiculously talented. They're bringing back Patrick Stewart people. It's a big effing deal. Maleficent - May 30th, 2014 Don't tell Ursula or The Evil Queen, but I'm pretty sure Maleficent is the coolest Disney villain of them all. She wears a hat that makes her look like the devil's widow. Oh, and she can turn into a dragon. Angelina Jolie has stepped out of the shadows and will bring the villainous back to the big screen for the first time since 1959. What's even cooler is that her own daughter, Vivienne Jolie-Pitt, plays a young version of Princess Aurora, aka Sleeping Beauty, a part that's later played by Elle Fanning. I'm wondering if Maleficent ends up working out for Disney, which other evil characters will make their big screen returns. I don't know anyone that wouldn't mind going back under the sea for another adventure or two. I'm just sayin'. 22 Jump Street - June 13th, 2014 21 Jump Street reminded everyone why remakes / reboots could actually be a worthwhile activity. To quote the world's most famous nanny, it was practically perfect in every way. Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill are back and, even though their address has changed, they're exactly where they belong. This time around though, they're going undercover as "old as sh*t college students." Transformers: Age of Extinction - June 27th, 2014 Even though there isn't any footage for this movie, you know you all are probably going to go see it. Little to nothing is know about the movie, other than the fact that the franchise is moving forward without Shia LaBeouf. He's been replaced by Mark Wahlberg. Michael Bay is still in the directors chair and the movie takes place four years after Transformers: Dark of the Moon. What do you say? Are we excited to get back into that bright yellow Camaro that fights to save the world in his spare time? Dawn of the Planet of the Apes - July 11th, 2014 I NEED TO SPEAK TO CAESAR! Rise of the Planet of the Apes came out of nowhere in 2011 and Andy Serkis blew everyone away with his performance as the ape with a little something extra. Even though it feels like this story has been told a hundred times, there are 8 films in the franchise altogether, Rise brought something new to the game. It brought an energy that had never existed before. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes jumps 10 years from the end of that movie and it isn't bringing back James Franco or Frida Pinto, but I'm ok with that. Gary Oldman, Keri Russell, and Jason Clarke seem to have done a fantastic job all on their own. Jupiter Ascending - July 18h, 2014 Cloud Atlas brought Andy and Lana Wachowski back onto the movie scene in a big way. If you haven't seen that movie yet, do yourself a favor and sit down for a ride you won't soon forget. Next year, they are diving deeper into their crazy with the sci-fi epic Jupiter Ascending, starring Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis. Don't try and lie and say you don't dig Channing with blonde hair and some guy-liner. Guardians of the Galaxy - August 1st, 2014 Did I mention there were A LOT of superheroes on this list?!? Guardians of the Galaxy is a movie you should be looking forward to for several reasons. It lives in the same universe as Thor and Captain America. It will be seriously weird and funny at the same time. And it will push our ideas of superheroes to the limit. I had the chance to see the sneak peek of the film at Comic-Con and stayed until the end of Thor: The Dark World, so believe me when I say that Chris Pratt is a superhero you'll love to laugh at. Gone Girl - October 3rd, 2014 Directed by David Fincher and starring Ben Affleck, Gone Girl is an upcoming adaptation of a book I've been told is a must read. I procrastinate a lot though, so it's been collecting dust on my Kindle. If you're like me and know nothing about the story, it is apparently a mystery that attempts to figure out whether or not Ben Affleck's character murdered his wife. That's all I'm willing to figure out without ruining the story for myself. And even if this is the first you're hearing of Gone Girl, you can't deny the talent that is involved in the project. For all of my friends sake though, I hope this movie lives up to the story they've grown to love. Big Hero 6 - November 7th, 2014 The Walt Disney Company purchased Marvel Studios way back in 2009 it feels like the two companies are still enjoying their long honeymoon. Although Disney has been very involved in the production of Marvel movies like The Avengers and Thor: The Dark World, the mouse hasn't really had its hands that deep in the cookie jar. Big Hero 6 is about to change all of that. The animated flick will be the first Marvel project taken on by Walt Disney Animation ever and it's going to be awesome. If you don't know anything about Big Hero 6, think of it as an animated Avengers that will be heavily influenced by Japanese culture and art. You only have to look at the images Disney has released and wonder what awesomeness they'll bring to the super hero genre. Interstellar - November 7th, 2014 Remember when Christopher Nolan was making movies like Memento and Inception? You know, the movies that you had to watch four times before you understood anything about them. Well, you are in luck, because he has ditched Batman and Superman for a world beyond ours in Interstellar. Because the trailer doesn't tell us anything about the plot of the movie, the official synopsis might be a little more helpful: When a wormhole, which hypothetically can connect widely-separated regions of space-time,is newly discovered, a team of explorers and scientists embark on a voyage through it to transcend previous limitations on human space travel. With a cast that includes Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Casey Affleck, John Lithgow, and Topher Grace...color me interested. Just don't go out of your way to give us some linear storytelling Mr. Nolan. Sometimes less is more. Dumb and Dumber To - November, 14th 2014 Ever since Lloyd and Harry left Aspen behind and never looked back, fans of the dumbest movie duo in history have been screaming for a sequel. They were slapped in the face when the 2003 prequel Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd invaded movie screens. Flash forward to 2013 and it has finally been announced that the original Harry, Jeff Daniels, and Lloyd, Jim Carrey, will reunite for Dumb and Dumber To. You only have to wait until November 2014 to see if they're still as funny as we all remember. The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1 - November 21st, 2014 The Hunger Games: Catching Fire has made more than $700 million worldwide and is still trucking along into the rest of the Holiday Season. So it makes sense that next year's follow-up, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1, will be even bigger. And if you haven't read the books, I'm sure the last shot of Catching Fire is still making you wonder what will come next for Katniss Everdeen, aka The Girl on Fire. What I can't wait for is the appearance of Julianne Moore as President Coin. I won't spoil anything more about the story, but it'll be interesting to see how Jennifer Lawrence fares against Moore. She's done such a good job playing opposite Donald Sutherland and Elizabeth Banks, so I doubt the next installment will be much different. May the odds be ever in your favor. The Hobbit: There and Back Again - December 17th, 2014 How much did you want The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug to keep going after the screen cut to black? That ending tore out my soul and I'm convinced it's flying around with that damn dragon somewhere. Peter Jackson is the only director alive that can make a three hour movie that leaves the audience yelling for 45 more minutes. The Hobbit: There and Back Again will (hopefully) put a nice little bow on The Hobbit trilogy and solidify Middle Earth's position in the zeitgeist forever. If only you didn't have to wait another year for that ending to come. Wah waah. Into the Woods - December 25th, 2014 Meryl Streep + Stephen Sondheim +Walt Disney Pictures = Into The Woods. There isn't a trailer for this movie-musical yet, but Disney released the image of Streep in costume to tease fans and make sure they were on the right track. There's also a hilarious story about Mr. Sondheim telling the actress, who is an Academy Award Winner, not to f**k up his work of art. When you have the balls to tell Meryl Streep not to f**k up, you've made it in this business.